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Why was the soccer player so good at keeping her house clean?

She was a sweeper.

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Puns

What game do cows play at parties?

Moosical chairs.

Holiday

Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E?

Because the angel said, "No L!"

People

Did you hear about the vacuum cleaner that can cut your housework in half?

I bought two.

Animals

Why did the cat sleep with a fan on?

He wanted to be a cool cat.

Animals

What sound does a grape make when an elephant steps on it?

None. It just lets out a little wine.

a cat is photoshopped wearing sunglasses and drinking an orange drink from a strawAnimals

Where do cats go on vacation?

Meow-i.

Animals

Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?

He heard the referee calling fowls.

two children wearing backpacks are writing equations on a chalkboardEducation

Why was the mean not looking forward to the end of the school year?

Because it had to go to sum-mer school.

The Umpire?Sports

What's the difference between a pickpocket and an umpire?

One steals watches and one watches steals.

People

What's a pirate's favorite letter?

You may think it's R, but it's really the C that they love.

a large inflated red number five against a white backgroundPuns

Why is the number 5 good at keeping secrets?

It can plead the fifth.

The rabbit?Animals

What do you call a rabbit with fleas?

Bugs bunny.

Puns

How do fireflies start a race?

Ready, steady, glow.

the U.S. Capitol Building Political

What Washington D.C. landmark is great at punctuation?

Capital Hill.

Sports

Why did the basketball player have so many good arguments?

He was the point guard.

Professional

Did you take the patient's temperature?

No. Is it missing?