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Why is it wrong to steal a thesaurus?

Because people have no words for how angry it makes them.

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Sports

Why do baseball players have such great retirement plans?

They want to make sure their bases are covered.

a chimpanzee appears to be angrily shoutingAnimals

What animal cheers the loudest at sports games?

A whee-bra!

Scrambled eggs?Food & Drinks

Why don't eggs tell jokes?

They'd crack each other up!

Puns

What did one dandelion say to the other dandelion?

Take me to your weeder.

Political

Which part of a tree makes the biggest decisions?

The Judicial Branch.

Professional

What's a ghost's favorite work schedule?

The graveyard shift.

The Baseball game?Sports

Why are baseball games at night?

The bats sleep during the day.

Professional

You know there's no official training for trash collectors?

They just pick things up as they go along.

Animals

What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?

A seahorse.

Animals

What is the most faithful insect?

A flea, once they find someone they like they stick to them.

People

Who is the worm's Prime Minister?

Maggot Thatcher.

Animals

What's a frog's favorite drink on a hot summer day?

An ice-cold croak-a-cola.

Vehicles

Why did the train always get heated in an argument?

It was a steam engine.

Animals

Why did the cat frown when she passed the hen house?

Because she heard fowl language.

Cat's TV show?Entertainment

What TV show did the cat love to watch?

Claw and Order.

Entertainment

What's the name of Iron Man's thieving younger brother?

Steel-man.