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Why is a fish easy to weigh?

Because it has its own scales.

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Entertainment

Why does Humpty Dumpty enjoy camping in autumn?

Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

Animals

What do you call a blind dinosaur?

A Doyouthinkhesawus.

a large white and blue iceberg floating in waterAnimals

What outfit is appropriate for a dinner in the Arctic?

A penguin tuxedo.

Puns

Why didn't the lamp sink in the water?

Because it was too light.

Animals

Where do you take sick ponies?

To the horsepital.

Puns

Why am I no longer addicted to the hokey pokey?

I turned myself around.

a cat is playing with a roll of toilet paper in the bathroomAnimals

Why did the cat go to the bathroom in the trash can?

Because it's a litter box.

Animals

What kind of dog loves to eat?

A Chow.

Baseball armor?Sports

When should baseball players wear armor?

When they're playing knight games.

Animals

What do you call bears with no ears?

B—.

Food & Drinks

Why did the baby cookie cry?

Because its mother was a wafer so long.

Animals

What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.

The peppers?Food & Drinks

What do nosey peppers do?

They get jalapeño business!

Political

How did Barack ask Michelle to be his wife?

He bought a ring, got on one knee, and said "Will you marry me? I don't wanna be Obamaself."

Science

Why was the math book sad?

It had a lot of problems.

Puns

How do mice celebrate when they move home?

Mouse warming party.