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Why don't oysters share their pearls?

Because they're shellfish.

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Holiday

Why doesn't Dracula have any friends?

He's a real pain in the neck.

Puns

What insect runs away from everything?

A flee.

Puns

What do you do when two snails fight?

Let them slug it out.

a close-up of a person checking the time on their wristwatchFamily

Which parent knows if you are running late?

Father Time.

a close-up of a smiling snowman wearing a hat, red scarf, and buttonsOutdoors

What do you call a snowman in the summer?

A puddle.

an actor stands on a lit stage with a script in his outstretched hands with his head tilted backProfessional

Why did the actor jump into the orchestra pit?

Because the director told them to break a leg.

Food & Drinks

Why did the sausage quit playing baseball?

He was the wurst on his team.

Animals

Why should you not pamper a cow?

You'll get spoiled milk.

Animals

What type of dog loves to take showers?

Shampoodles.

Sports

Why can't Cinderella play soccer?

Because she's always running away from the ball!

Puns

What did one dandelion say to the other dandelion?

Take me to your weeder.

Puns

Do the mascara and lipstick ever argue?

Sure, but then they makeup.

Outdoors

Why couldn't the boxer make it in stand-up comedy?

He didn't have the right hook.

Family

What do dads love to eat after dinner?

Pop-corn.

Vehicles

What car can you only see twice a year?

A Chevy Equinox.

Music

Why do hummingbirds hum instead of singing along to music?

Because they don't know the words yet.