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Why doesn't Dracula have any friends?

He's a real pain in the neck.

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Outdoors

I can cut down a tree only using my vision...

I saw it with my own eyes.

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Puns

Why is money so stubborn?

It doesn't want to make change.

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Puns

Why did the man decide to sell his vacuum?

It was gathering dust.

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People

Which computer won the talent show?

A Dell.

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Animals

Why did the chicken cross the net?

It wanted to get to the other site.

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Animals

Why did the turkey cross the road?

To prove he wasn't chicken.

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Cat's TV show?Entertainment

What TV show did the cat love to watch?

Claw and Order.

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a woman is signing an autograph while photographers are taking her picturePeople

Who is the nicest celebrity around?

Tom Thanks.

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Animals

What animal scores the most in basketball?

A dunk-ey.

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Animals

Why couldn't the leopard hide?

He was always spotted.

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Animals

Why did the man name his canines Rolex and Timex?

They were his watch dogs.

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Professional

What do basketball players and lawyers have in common?

They both go to court.

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sit on the clock?Puns

Why did the person sit on the clock?

So they could be ON time.

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Holiday

Why does Santa have 3 gardens?

So he can ho-ho-ho.

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a Scottish wildcat is crawling on a tree log in a forestAnimals

Why did the wildcat have such a successful email newsletter?

It always had the best lynx.

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Puns

Why does the photon not need a suitcase?

Because it's traveling light.

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