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Why doesn't Dracula have any friends?

He's a real pain in the neck.

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Outdoors

I can cut down a tree only using my vision...

I saw it with my own eyes.

Puns

Why is money so stubborn?

It doesn't want to make change.

Puns

Why did the man decide to sell his vacuum?

It was gathering dust.

People

Which computer won the talent show?

A Dell.

Animals

Why did the chicken cross the net?

It wanted to get to the other site.

Animals

Why did the turkey cross the road?

To prove he wasn't chicken.

Cat's TV show?Entertainment

What TV show did the cat love to watch?

Claw and Order.

a woman is signing an autograph while photographers are taking her picturePeople

Who is the nicest celebrity around?

Tom Thanks.

Animals

What animal scores the most in basketball?

A dunk-ey.

Animals

Why couldn't the leopard hide?

He was always spotted.

Animals

Why did the man name his canines Rolex and Timex?

They were his watch dogs.

Professional

What do basketball players and lawyers have in common?

They both go to court.

sit on the clock?Puns

Why did the person sit on the clock?

So they could be ON time.

Holiday

Why does Santa have 3 gardens?

So he can ho-ho-ho.

a Scottish wildcat is crawling on a tree log in a forestAnimals

Why did the wildcat have such a successful email newsletter?

It always had the best lynx.

Puns

Why does the photon not need a suitcase?

Because it's traveling light.