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Why does Snoop Dogg always have an umbrella with him?

Fo' drizzle.

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Sports

What did they call Dracula when he won the league?

The champire.

Animals

What do you say to the tree frog who needs a lift?

Hop in.

Animals

What kind of dog chases anything red?

A bull dog.

People

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

Rename the mail folder to Instruction Manuals.

Holiday

What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?

A cookie sheet!

Puns

Why did the lizard go on a diet?

It weighed too much for its scales.

Holiday

How many chimneys does Father Christmas go down?

Stacks.

Puns

What is the opposite of cock-a-doodle-doo?

Cock-a-doodle-don't.

two spotted piglets sleep next to each other in the hayAnimals

Where do pigs sleep during the summer?

In a ham-mock.

Food & Drinks

Why was the seafood restaurant being investigated by the IRS?

They were suspected of being a shell company in some fishy business.

Puns

Why are skeletons always hungry?

They're skin and bones.

a close-up of a valet wearing a white glove opening a car doorPeople

Which celebrity would make a great valet?

Sarah Jessica Parker.

Professional

How does NASA organize a company party?

They planet.

Food & Drinks

Did you hear about the famous pickle?

He was a big dill.

Animals

Why don't koalas categorize as bears?

They don't have the right koalafications.

People

Did you hear about the vacuum cleaner that can cut your housework in half?

I bought two.