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Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
Because every play has a cast.
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People
Which celebrity has the loudest scream?
Pierce Brosnan.
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Outdoors
Why are trees always so positive?
Because they have a pe-can do attitude.
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Education
Why did the wizard ace his math test?
It was on magic squares.
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Vehicles
What's always messy no matter how many times you clean it?
A dirt bike.
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Sports
Why do basketball players like cookies?
It's just another excuse to dunk.
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Sports
What should a football team do if the pitch is flooded?
Bring on their subs.
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Education
Which subject has two parts?
Bi-ology.
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Professional
What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
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Sports
What do you call a volleyball with a bad attitude?
Rebel Wilson.
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Animals
What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?
So-fish-ticated.
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Vehicles
What car can't keep a secret?
A Kia Telluride.
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Science
Did you hear that H2O opened up a bike shop?
It's called the water cycle.
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Puns
What do you do when two snails fight?
Let them slug it out.
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Animals
Why did the cat go to the bathroom in the trash can?
Because it's a litter box.
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Professional
Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?
"No change yet."
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Animals
Why is the snail the strongest animal?
Because he carries a house on his back.
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