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Why do spiders always know the answer to everything?

They're very good at finding things on the web.

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Sports

Why did the footballer hold his boot to his ear?

Because he liked sole music.

a close-up of the Lincoln Memorial statuePolitical

What is Abraham Lincoln's favorite toy?

Lincoln Logs!

Vehicles

What do you get when you put a car and a dog together?

A carpet.

Animals

When should a mouse carry an umbrella?

When it's raining cats and dogs.

Puns

What's a shoemaker's favorite dessert?

Cobbler.

Puns

Which state has the best streets?

Rhode Island.

Lying ghosts?Animals

Why are ghosts such bad liars?

You can see right through them.

Animals

What do you call octopus twins?

Itenticle.

Outdoors

Where do logs like to go on hikes?

The woods.

People

Which celebrity has the best handwriting?

Sean Pen.

Professional

Why couldn't the couple get married at the library?

It was all booked up.

four pigs are grazing in a grassy fieldPuns

What do you call a pig with no clothes on?

Streaky bacon.

Animals

What bird shouldn't drink coffee?

A buzz-ard.

various loaves of bread piled togetherPuns

Did you hear about the country giving free bread to its citizens?

It was a generous dough-nation.

Puns

What do you get if you feed gunpowder to a chicken?

An egg-splosion.

Professional

How do artists finish a project when they are stressed?

They just take things one stroke at a time.