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Why do spiders always know the answer to everything?

They're very good at finding things on the web.

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Sports

Why did the footballer hold his boot to his ear?

Because he liked sole music.

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a close-up of the Lincoln Memorial statuePolitical

What is Abraham Lincoln's favorite toy?

Lincoln Logs!

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Vehicles

What do you get when you put a car and a dog together?

A carpet.

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Animals

When should a mouse carry an umbrella?

When it's raining cats and dogs.

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Puns

What's a shoemaker's favorite dessert?

Cobbler.

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Puns

Which state has the best streets?

Rhode Island.

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Lying ghosts?Animals

Why are ghosts such bad liars?

You can see right through them.

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Animals

What do you call octopus twins?

Itenticle.

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Outdoors

Where do logs like to go on hikes?

The woods.

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People

Which celebrity has the best handwriting?

Sean Pen.

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Professional

Why couldn't the couple get married at the library?

It was all booked up.

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four pigs are grazing in a grassy fieldPuns

What do you call a pig with no clothes on?

Streaky bacon.

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Animals

What bird shouldn't drink coffee?

A buzz-ard.

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various loaves of bread piled togetherPuns

Did you hear about the country giving free bread to its citizens?

It was a generous dough-nation.

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Puns

What do you get if you feed gunpowder to a chicken?

An egg-splosion.

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Professional

How do artists finish a project when they are stressed?

They just take things one stroke at a time.

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