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Why do shoemakers go to heaven?

They have great souls.

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Professional

What do you get a lawyer for his birthday?

Briefs.

Holiday

What does Santa call his wife at tax time?

A dependent Claus.

Puns

When Sunday and Monday get into a fight, who typically wins?

Sunday, because Monday is a week-day.

Outdoors

How do trees get access to the internet?

Easy, they just log in.

Animals

How much money does a skunk have?

One scent.

Holiday

Where do sports go on a Valentine's Day date?

The ball-et.

Animals

How do you get out of an elephant's stomach?

You run around and around until you're all pooped out.

Holiday

Why didn't the skeleton study cardiology?

His heart wasn't in it.

People

Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?

She'll Let It Go.

Puns

What do you get if you cross a steer with a tadpole?

A bullfrog.

Puns

Wanna hear my favorite potassium joke?

K.

Food & Drinks

What loaf of bread has a bad attitude?

Sourdough.

Animals

What did the confused bee say?

To bee or not to bee.

Entertainment

What superhero often gets mistaken for photography equipment?

The Flash.

Food & Drinks

What do you call a sad latte?

Depresso.

Puns

How did the mermaid call her friends?

On her shell phone, of course.