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Why do grasshoppers not go to many football games?

They prefer cricket matches.

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People

Which Star Wars character works at Applebee's?

Darth Waiter.

Travel

Which celebrity loves to go on vacation?

Tom Cruise.

Education

What do you call a pencil that has two erasers?

Pointless.

Animals

Why did the spider eat fireflies every evening?

He wanted a "light" snack after dinner.

Animals

How does a squid go into battle?

Well-armed.

Travel

Why did the wind want to go on vacation?

It had been busy with blustery days.

Holiday

What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?

Crisp Cringle.

a man wearing priest robs and a large cross holds a book in front of a white backgroundPeople

Why does the priest love swiss cheese?

Because it's holy.

Puns

What is dry on the outside, filled with water, and blows up buildings?

A fish tank.

Sports

Why did the goal post get angry?

Because the bar was rattled!

Animals

What did the beaver say to the tree?

Been nice gnawing you.

Holiday

What's always playing in Santa's workshop?

Wrap music.

Sports

What sport do birds of prey love to watch?

Hawk-ey.

Food & Drinks

Did you hear the crazy rumor about butter?

Well, I won't be the one to spread it!

Animals

What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon?

They go on peck-nics.

a cat is photoshopped wearing sunglasses and drinking an orange drink from a strawAnimals

Where do cats go on vacation?

Meow-i.