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Why do all ocean animals get along with mollusks?

Because they're as happy as a clam.

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Retired veggies?Food & Drinks

What do you call a retired vegetable?

A has-bean.

Puns

Why is it wrong to steal a thesaurus?

Because people have no words for how angry it makes them.

a view of the earth from the moon's surfaceCurrent Events

Why do the Moon and the Earth get along best during the summer?

Because the Earth finally warms up to him.

Puns

If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?

Plenty of milk.

a clear plastic tub is filled with water and apples sitting on the ground with fall leavesAnimals

What animal won the bobbing for apples contest at the fair?

A bobcat.

Puns

How do you take a pig to the hospital?

By hambulance.

Puns

How are you liking that anti-gravity book?

It's impossible to put down!

Holiday

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?

Claustrophobic.

Animals

What do you call a cat with eight legs that likes to swim?

An octopuss.

Family

What do cubs eat when their mom is out of town?

Bluebeary Pop-Tarts.

Animals

When is a black dog not a black dog?

When it's a greyhound.

a man wearing a beanie, sunglasses, and headphones in front of a blue backgroundFood & Drinks

What vegetables make the best music?

Beets.

Sports

What is a cat's favorite part of baseball?

The seventh-inning stretch.

a picture of Tunnel View, a scenic spot in Yosemite National Park in CAPeople

Which cartoon character loves the outdoors?

Yosemite Sam.

Puns

What part of your eye learns the quickest?

The pupil.

Sports

Why do managers bring suitcases along to away games?

So that they can pack the defense.