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Why didn't the dog want to play football?
It was a boxer.
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Education
What color are all the books in the library?
Red.
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Animals
Why do rhinos charge?
Because they never carry cash.
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People
Which actor is a pro at unclogging a drain?
Christopher Plumber.
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Puns
Knock knock. Who's there? Euripides. Euripides who?
Euripides things, you buy them!
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Puns
Why do vampires always look sick?
They keep coffin.
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People
Why did Adam and Eve get kicked out of the garden?
Because they didn't read the Apple terms and conditions.
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Holiday
What's always playing in Santa's workshop?
Wrap music.
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Animals
What do you get if you cross a computer and a Rottweiler?
A computer with a lot of bites.
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Sports
What game does chlorine never lose?
Pool.
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Professional
Why did the barber win the race?
She knew shortcuts.
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Professional
What did the train engineer's friend tell her when she did something crazy?
You're loco-motive!
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Entertainment
What's both a number one hit and a total failure?
A Blockbuster.
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Holiday
Why didn't the skeleton study cardiology?
His heart wasn't in it.
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Animals
Why couldn't the tiger run any faster in the race?
Because his opponent had him by the tail.
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Animals
Why were the elephants thrown out of the swimming pool?
Because they couldn't hold their trunks up.
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Animals
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
He heard the referee calling fowls.
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