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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.

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Sports

What do a striker and a magician have in common?

Both do hat tricks.

Holiday

What is a condiment's favorite holiday?

Cinco de Mayo.

Political

How did Barack ask Michelle to be his wife?

He bought a ring, got on one knee, and said "Will you marry me? I don't wanna be Obamaself."

Puns

What part of your eye learns the quickest?

The pupil.

Holiday

What did the skeleton order at the bar?

A beer and a mop.

Puns

What has 12 legs, six eyes, three tails and can't see?

Three blind mice.

Entertainment

What did the baby laptop call her father?

Data.

Animals

Why did the tadpole feel lonely?

Because he was newt to the area.

Puns

How are you liking that anti-gravity book?

It's impossible to put down!

four pigs are grazing in a grassy fieldPuns

What do you call a pig with no clothes on?

Streaky bacon.

Science

What did the dad say when the boy asked him to explain the solar eclipse to him?

No sun.

Animals

Who is the bees' favorite singer?

Sting.

Animals

Why did the chicken cross the net?

It wanted to get to the other site.

a pair of red rain boots filled with yellow flowers sit by a metal watering can in the rainCurrent Events

Why is summer always sad?

It has June gloom.

Puns

What insect runs away from everything?

A flee.

Puns

What did the portable fan say to the ceiling fan?

Sorry, I'm just not a big fan.