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Why did the senator bring cookies to the congress session?

He heard they were working on treat-ies.

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People

What do you call a person who is happy on Mondays?

Retired.

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Puns

Why was the picture sent to jail?

It was framed.

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Puns

What kind of things does a farmer talk about when he is milking cows?

Udder nonsense.

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Professional

What did the train engineer's friend tell her when she did something crazy?

You're loco-motive!

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Animals

Why don't elephants like playing cards in the jungle?

Because of all the cheetahs.

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Sports

What runs around a baseball field but stays still at the same time?

A fence.

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Holiday

What's Father Christmas called when he takes a rest while delivering presents?

Santa pause.

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Puns

What kind of books do boats write?

Ferry tales.

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Food & Drinks

Why did the sausage quit playing baseball?

He was the wurst on his team.

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Animals

Why do worms taste like chewing gum?

Because they're wrigleys.

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Outdoors

Why are lunges a great way to start exercising?

Well, they are a big step forward.

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Animals

What kind of fish will help you hear better?

A herring aid.

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The Monkeys?Puns

What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?

PRIME-mates.

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Puns

What did the clean dog say to the insect?

Long time, no flea.

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Outdoors

Why shouldn't you iron a four-leaf clover?

You shouldn't press your luck.

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Construction?Professional

Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.

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