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Why did the sea captain go on so many dates?

Because she knew there were other fish in the sea.

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Animals

What's a lizard's favorite cookie?

A fig newt-on.

Professional

Why was the mime upset?

Someone called her a clown.

Puns

What did the tree say to its long-distance girlfriend?

I pine for you.

a close-up of a Burrowing owl with its head turned sideways at the cameraAnimals

What bird is losing its hair?

A bald eagle.

Animals

What kind of dog loves to eat?

A Chow.

Puns

Why do people love getting letters from astronauts?

They have the best space stationery.

Outdoors

What's a tornado's favorite game?

Twister.

Puns

Wanna hear my favorite potassium joke?

K.

Puns

What kind of tree can you hold in one hand?

A palm tree.

Animals

What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?

So-fish-ticated.

Education

Knock knock. Who's there? Spell. Spell who?

W-H-O.

Sports

What should a football team do if the pitch is flooded?

Bring on their subs.

Animals

What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?

Irrelephant!

Food & Drinks

What did the cupcakes say to the icing?

I'd be muffin without you.

Puns

Which fly makes films?

Stephen Speilbug.

Puns

What's the saddest part of the week?

Monday mourning.