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Why did the pumpkin give up acting?

Its dreams were squashed.

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Food & Drinks

Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool?

He just wanted to be a watermelon.

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Cat's breakfast?Animals

What do cats eat for breakfast?

Mice Krispies.

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Animals

What do you call a monkey who's a whiz at technology?

A computer chimp.

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Animals

What do you call a big fish who makes you an offer you can't refuse?

The Codfather.

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Sports

Why do grasshoppers not go to many football games?

They prefer cricket matches.

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Animals

Why did the big cat get disqualified from the Olympics?

For being a cheetah.

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Vehicles

What car doesn't seem to go anywhere?

A stationary wagon.

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Puns

Why should you stand in a corner if you're cold?

They're usually 90 degrees.

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The Oysters?Animals

Why don't oysters share their pearls?

Because they're shellfish.

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Political

Which office space loves to cut corners?

The Oval Office.

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Entertainment

Why did the man buy the discounted TV with a broken volume control?

He couldn't turn it down.

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Puns

How do you get a country girl to like you?

A tractor.

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Puns

Which state is the cleanest?

Washing-ton.

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People

What do you call a handsome runner?

Dashing.

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Education

What do librarians use as bait when they go fishing?

Book worms.

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Animals

What sound does a grape make when an elephant steps on it?

None. It just lets out a little wine.

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