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Why did the pumpkin give up acting?

Its dreams were squashed.

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Food & Drinks

Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool?

He just wanted to be a watermelon.

Cat's breakfast?Animals

What do cats eat for breakfast?

Mice Krispies.

Animals

What do you call a monkey who's a whiz at technology?

A computer chimp.

Animals

What do you call a big fish who makes you an offer you can't refuse?

The Codfather.

Sports

Why do grasshoppers not go to many football games?

They prefer cricket matches.

Animals

Why did the big cat get disqualified from the Olympics?

For being a cheetah.

Vehicles

What car doesn't seem to go anywhere?

A stationary wagon.

Puns

Why should you stand in a corner if you're cold?

They're usually 90 degrees.

The Oysters?Animals

Why don't oysters share their pearls?

Because they're shellfish.

Political

Which office space loves to cut corners?

The Oval Office.

Entertainment

Why did the man buy the discounted TV with a broken volume control?

He couldn't turn it down.

Puns

How do you get a country girl to like you?

A tractor.

Puns

Which state is the cleanest?

Washing-ton.

People

What do you call a handsome runner?

Dashing.

Education

What do librarians use as bait when they go fishing?

Book worms.

Animals

What sound does a grape make when an elephant steps on it?

None. It just lets out a little wine.