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Why did the piano get locked out of the opera?

It forgot to change keys.

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Professional

My boss instructed me to set up the company's 401k.

I told her I don't think anyone on the team can run that far.

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Science

Why did the mathematician decline a beer at the party?

He didn't want to drink and derive.

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Puns

Why is a fish easy to weigh?

Because it has its own scales.

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Puns

Why did the pig go to the casino?

To play the slop machine.

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Family

What branch of the military accepts newborns?

The infantry.

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Animals

What dinosaur would win the track gold medal at the Olympics?

The Prontosaurus.

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Family

What do you call an orchard full of relatives?

Family trees.

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Holiday

How many chimneys does Father Christmas go down?

Stacks.

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People

Why did Adam and Eve get kicked out of the garden?

Because they didn't read the Apple terms and conditions.

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Animals

Why did the man name his canines Rolex and Timex?

They were his watch dogs.

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Food & Drinks

Why does the orange always lose in races?

It runs out of juice.

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dentist appointment?Professional

What time is your dentist appointment?

Tooth hurt-y.

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Vehicles

What car can you only see twice a year?

A Chevy Equinox.

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Puns

Why did the lizard go on a diet?

It weighed too much for its scales.

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Puns

Why is oxygen so wealthy?

Because it's an air-ess.

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Puns

What do you get if you cross a pile of mud with a pig?

A groundhog.

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