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Why did the person sit on the clock?

So they could be ON time.

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Sports

Why did someone ask the baseball player to punch them?

He was the designated hitter.

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Animals

Why did the elephant eat the candle?

For light refreshment.

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Puns

Who won the race between two balls of string?

They were tied.

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Puns

What did the tomato say to the ear of corn?

Can you ear me?

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Animals

What's a bee's favorite novel?

The Great Gats-bee.

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The ducks?Animals

What do ducks get after they eat?

A bill!

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Drummer's daughters?Music

What did the drummer name his twin daughters?

Anna 1, Anna 2.

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Puns

What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.

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Manufacturing?Professional

Where are average things manufactured?

The satisFACTORY.

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Animals

How do you get out of an elephant's stomach?

You run around and around until you're all pooped out.

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Holiday

How did the vampire start his letter?

Tomb it may concern...

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Holiday

What does Santa call his wife at tax time?

A dependent Claus.

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Entertainment

What did the baby laptop call her father?

Data.

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Puns

Why did the pumpkin give up acting?

Its dreams were squashed.

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Animals

Why was the cat so small?

Because it only ate condensed milk.

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Sports

What runs around a baseball field but stays still at the same time?

A fence.

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