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Why did the nurse always choose the red crayon?

Because she always has to draw blood.

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People

Which celebrity loves to read?

Elliot Page.

Animals

What do my dog and my cellphone have in common?

They both have collar I.D.

Puns

What did one bunny say about the other bunny's new updo?

I like your hare!

Holiday

Why does Santa's sled get such good mileage?

Because it has long-distance runners on each side.

Puns

What kind of books do boats write?

Ferry tales.

Animals

What do you get if you cross a trout with an apartment?

A flat fish.

Puns

What did one tube of glue say to the other tube of glue?

We have to stick together.

People

How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?

Shocked!

Animals

What do frogs drink in the winter?

Hot croako.

Animals

Which insect is the smartest?

The spelling bee.

Outdoors

Where does a camper keep his money?

In a river bank.

Puns

What's red and smells like blue paint?

Red paint.

Music

Which rock group consists of four men that don't sing?

Mount Rushmore.

Why quit taxi?Professional

Why did the man give up being a taxi driver?

There was too much talking behind his back.

Professional

Why did the person let a fish perform surgery on them?

He's a great sturgeon.

Scrambled eggs?Food & Drinks

Why don't eggs tell jokes?

They'd crack each other up!