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Why did the mathematician decline a beer at the party?

He didn't want to drink and derive.

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Puns

What animal always goes to bed with its shoes on?

A horse.

Animals

What do you call the dog magician?

A labra-cadabra.

Puns

Why am I no longer addicted to the hokey pokey?

I turned myself around.

Puns

What do you call a pig thief?

A hamburglar.

Holiday

What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.

Current Events

What's a direction's favorite holiday?

East-er.

Education

Where do you go when you need an excuse to get out of something?

A lie-brary.

Professional

What day of the week takes nothing seriously?

Casual Friday.

Entertainment

What did the mother ghost tell the baby ghost when he ate his ice cream too fast?

Quit goblin your dessert.

The rabbit?Animals

What do you call a rabbit with fleas?

Bugs bunny.

Food & Drinks

Why did the tomato go out with the prune?

Because she couldn't find a date.

Vehicles

Why are Olympians so picky about their vehicles?

They'll only drive a sports car.

Animals

Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.

Entertainment

Why did the mirror cross the road?

To see itself!

Sports

Why does someone who runs marathons make a good student?

Because education pays off in the long run.

pecan nuts?Food & Drinks

What did the pecan say to the walnut?

We're friends because we are both nuts!