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Why did the man name his canines Rolex and Timex?

They were his watch dogs.

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Education

What do you call a pencil that has two erasers?

Pointless.

Puns

What is a duck's favorite dance?

The quackstep.

Outdoors

What kind of bow can't be tied?

A rainbow!

Puns

What is the difference between a fly and a bird?

A bird can fly but a fly can't bird.

Puns

Why shouldn't you trust stairs?

They are always up to something.

Outdoors

Which tree can't stop crying?

A weeping willow.

Animals

What animal has 20/20 vision?

A see-lion.

Animals

Why do spiders always know the answer to everything?

They're very good at finding things on the web.

People

Why are the Middle Ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

They had so many knights.

Puns

What do you call a pig thief?

A hamburglar.

Professional

What did the dentist call the x-ray he took of your mouth?

A tooth pic.

Professional

What did the angry customer say to the mechanic who couldn't figure out what was wrong with his car?

You auto-know better!

Education

Where do you go when you need an excuse to get out of something?

A lie-brary.

a Corgi dog is wrapped up in a blanketFamily

What did the puppy call his dad's best friend?

His godpawther.

Entertainment

What cartoon character loves insects?

Bugs Bunny.

Puns

What did the obituary say for the pot of boiling water?

You will be mist.