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Why did the footballer hold his boot to his ear?

Because he liked sole music.

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Food & Drinks

Why was the dairy grumpy?

It was sour cream.


What do you get if you cross the Lone Ranger with an insect?

The Masked-quito.


Why shouldn't you buy anything with velcro?

They're a total rip-off.


What do moms say is bad for both family trips and sleeping?

A wet blanket.


What do you call a sheepdog's tail that can tell tall stories?

A shaggy dog's tale.


What do people call Arnold Schwarzenegger in retirement?

The Exterminator.


To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.

You have my Word!


How did the coach get his quarterback?

He went to the bank.


What's a rabbit's favorite way to travel?

By hareplane.

a nurse wearing blue scrubs and a stethoscope, holds a clipboard and smiles at the cameraProfessional

Why was the nurse afraid of camping?

Because there was so much poison IV.

a close-up of two feet wearing flip-flop sandals on a yellow backgroundHoliday

Why are sandals so indecisive?

They always flip-flop back and forth.


What did the rug say to the floor?

I've got you covered.


Why did the chick disappoint his mother?

He wasn't what he was cracked up to be.


What did the mother ghost tell the baby ghost when he ate his ice cream too fast?

Quit goblin your dessert.

twin babies wearing white onesies lay next to each other with arms intertwined while cryingFamily

What siblings are always sad?

The Blues Brothers.

a man with multi-colored hair, beard, and shirt holds up a multi-colored paint roller in front of his facePuns

What do painters do when they make a mistake?

They go back to the drawing board.