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Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?

Because the "P" is silent.

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Animals

What did the bee say to the flower?

Hello honey.

Food & Drinks

Why do diners never serve lobster?

They're shellfish.

Puns

How often should you make chemistry jokes?

Periodically.

Holiday

What's Father Christmas called when he takes a rest while delivering presents?

Santa pause.

a close-up of Cap'n Crunch's Crunch Berries® cerealPuns

Did you hear how Cap'n Crunch® died?

Yeah, it was a cereal killer.

Puns

Why is oxygen so wealthy?

Because it's an air-ess.

Professional

What goes by slower than a plot-less movie?

Friday afternoon.

Sports

What's a decade's favorite sport?

Tennis.

Professional

What did the angry customer say to the mechanic who couldn't figure out what was wrong with his car?

You auto-know better!

Puns

What did the eggs say to the toast after a long day?

We're fried.

Outdoors

Which flower is easily embarrassed?

A rose.

Puns

Why shouldn't you buy anything with velcro?

They're a total rip-off.

Animals

Where do frogs keep their money?

In a river bank.

Puns

Why don't eggs tell each other jokes?

Because they'd crack each other up.

Puns

What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills?

Bernadette.

Family

What type of school do kids beg to go to during the summertime?

Sundae School.