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Why are pigs so good at building houses?

They bring plenty of ham-mers.

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Education

Where do you go when you need an excuse to get out of something?

A lie-brary.

Professional

What goes by slower than a plot-less movie?

Friday afternoon.

Animals

What does a queen bee do when she burps?

Issues a royal pardon.

Professional

Why did the person let a fish perform surgery on them?

He's a great sturgeon.

Family

Which family member is always relieved?

A ne-phew.

Professional

Why was the plumber predicted to win American Idol?

He had an amazing set of pipes.

Puns

What makes a glow worm glow?

A light meal.

People

Why did the runner quit the race against bigfoot?

He couldn't face defeet!

Animals

What do you call a group of elephants in the pool?

Swimming trunks!

Puns

What do you get if you cross a steer with a tadpole?

A bullfrog.

Sports

What game can you play while eating dinner?

Table tennis.

Vehicles

Will invisible planes ever be popular?

No. I can't see them taking off.

Animals

What do frogs drink in the winter?

Hot croako.

Vehicles

What car always breaks the rules?

A Nissan Rogue.

Animals

When should a mouse carry an umbrella?

When it's raining cats and dogs.

Animals

Why do cats love to work?

They're purr-fect at everything they do.