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Why are ET's eyes so big?

Because he saw the phone bill.

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Family

What do moms say is bad for both family trips and sleeping?

A wet blanket.

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Puns

What kind of things does a farmer talk about when he is milking cows?

Udder nonsense.

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Puns

What did the sneaky chick say when it came out of the egg?

Time to hatch a plan!

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a kitten is leaning back in a sitting position with a surprised expressionPuns

What do cats use to take notes in meetings?

A scratch pad.

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Puns

What happened to the glow worm who was squashed?

He was de-lighted.

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Animals

What is the biggest ant in the world?

An elephant.

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Animals

Which bear always goes to timeout for being condescending to other bears?

A pan-duh!

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Holiday

What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?

Crisp Cringle.

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Science

Why did the astronaut's restaurant on the moon fail?

The food was good, but there was no atmosphere.

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Puns

What do reindeer say before telling you a joke?

This one will sleigh you.

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Puns

What did the eggs say to the toast after a long day?

We're fried.

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Puns

What did the tree say to its long-distance girlfriend?

I pine for you.

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Holiday

What do you get when you cross a bell with a skunk?

Jingle smells.

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a woman dressed up as Catwoman poses atop a small yellow structureEntertainment

What does Catwoman always carry with her?

Her purrrse.

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Puns

How do you find where a flea has bitten you?

Start from scratch.

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a close-up of a wizard holding their hand over a magic crystal ballAnimals

Which wizard is often mistaken for an animal?

Hairy Potter.

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