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Why are ET's eyes so big?

Because he saw the phone bill.

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Family

What do moms say is bad for both family trips and sleeping?

A wet blanket.

Puns

What kind of things does a farmer talk about when he is milking cows?

Udder nonsense.

Puns

What did the sneaky chick say when it came out of the egg?

Time to hatch a plan!

a kitten is leaning back in a sitting position with a surprised expressionPuns

What do cats use to take notes in meetings?

A scratch pad.

Puns

What happened to the glow worm who was squashed?

He was de-lighted.

Animals

What is the biggest ant in the world?

An elephant.

Animals

Which bear always goes to timeout for being condescending to other bears?

A pan-duh!

Holiday

What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?

Crisp Cringle.

Science

Why did the astronaut's restaurant on the moon fail?

The food was good, but there was no atmosphere.

Puns

What do reindeer say before telling you a joke?

This one will sleigh you.

Puns

What did the eggs say to the toast after a long day?

We're fried.

Puns

What did the tree say to its long-distance girlfriend?

I pine for you.

Holiday

What do you get when you cross a bell with a skunk?

Jingle smells.

a woman dressed up as Catwoman poses atop a small yellow structureEntertainment

What does Catwoman always carry with her?

Her purrrse.

Puns

How do you find where a flea has bitten you?

Start from scratch.

a close-up of a wizard holding their hand over a magic crystal ballAnimals

Which wizard is often mistaken for an animal?

Hairy Potter.