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Who won the race between two balls of string?

They were tied.

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Family

Who loves the lake but refuses to get wet?

A dad on a fishing trip.

a cat wearing glasses and a bow tie sits next to a mini chalkboard with fish drawn on itAnimals

What is a cat's favorite math problem?

A box and whisker plot.

Professional

How do artists finish a project when they are stressed?

They just take things one stroke at a time.

a close-up of the Lincoln Memorial statuePolitical

What is Abraham Lincoln's favorite toy?

Lincoln Logs!

Puns

What did the adding machine say to the cashier?

You can count on me.

Holiday

What is the best Christmas present ever?

A broken drum-you can't beat it.

Animals

What does a lion call an antelope?

Fast food.

Puns

How do you take a pig to the hospital?

By hambulance.

Puns

What is the best way to communicate with a fish?

Drop it a line.

a boxer hits a punching bagPuns

Why did the boxer take so many naps?

He was constantly hitting the sack.

Outdoors

How do trees get access to the internet?

Easy, they just log in.

Puns

Why did the foal cough?

Because he was a little horse.

a close-up of a bottle of aspirin spilled on a red surfacePuns

Why did the window need an aspirin?

To relieve a glass pane.

Family

Which family member is always relieved?

A ne-phew.

Animals

What do you call a woodpecker without a beak?

A headbanger.

Puns

Why doesn't Winnie the Pooh wear shoes?

Because he prefers his bear feet.