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Who sits in a corner all day but somehow still travels the world?

A stamp.

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Professional

What do basketball players and lawyers have in common?

They both go to court.

Puns

What happened to the dancer at Seafood Disco?

He pulled a mussel.

Current Events

Who isn't happy to get an Academy Award?

Oscar the grouch.

Cat's TV show?Entertainment

What TV show did the cat love to watch?

Claw and Order.

Leg Broke?Entertainment

Why do we tell actors to break a leg?

Because every play has a cast.

Food & Drinks

What do you call a long line of people waiting for their hotdog?

A barbequeue.

Puns

What does the milky way call its ex-girlfriend?

Space-ex.

Puns

What do you give a sick pig?

Oinkment.

Science

Why did the aerospace engineer have a hard time passing English?

Because it's not rocket science.

Animals

What day of the week do chickens hide?

Fry-day.

Professional

Where does a veterinarian's husband sleep when they're fighting?

In the dog house.

Animals

What's a rabbit's favorite way to travel?

By hareplane.

Sports

Why can't Cinderella play soccer?

Because she's always running away from the ball!

Holiday

What nationality is Santa Claus?

North Polish.

Puns

What is a sea monster's favorite meal?

Fish and ships.

Sports

Why did the goal post get angry?

Because the bar was rattled!