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Which position in soccer always plans for the future?

A goal-ie.

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Education

Why did the comedian keep telling jokes about chemistry?

He was looking for a good reaction.

Holiday

Why was Santa's little helper embarrassed?

Because he had low elf esteem.

Animals

What do you call a 100-year-old ant?

An antique.

Food & Drinks

What did the pear say to the celery stick?

Quit stalking me.

Animals

What kind of birds do you usually find locked up?

Jail-birds.

two tree swallows sit perched on a branch and chirp at each otherAnimals

What kind of bird makes the most important rules?

Cardinals.

Food & Drinks

Why did the chocolate chip cookie go to the doctor?

Because it was feeling crummy.

Soccer referees?Sports

What do soccer referees send during the holidays?

Yellow cards.

Family

How did the cowboy greet his wife every day after work?

Howdy, partner!

a clear plastic tub is filled with water and apples sitting on the ground with fall leavesAnimals

What animal won the bobbing for apples contest at the fair?

A bobcat.

People

Why can't the lifeguards save the hippies?

Because they're too far out.

Puns

What did the baby chick say when he saw his mother sitting on an orange?

Dad, dad, look what marma-laid!

a slice of Parmigiano Reggiano cheese on a wooden cutting board surrounded by basil and tomatoesPeople

Which celebrity is a cheese expert?

Ray Romano.

Puns

What did the rug say to the floor?

I've got you covered.

Animals

Why is it easy for chicks to talk?

Because talk is cheep.