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Which fish go to heaven when they die?

Angelfish.

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Holiday

Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E?

Because the angel said, "No L!"

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Animals

Why did the tadpole feel lonely?

Because he was newt to the area.

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Sports

What position does lemonade play in baseball?

Pitcher.

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Animals

What do you call a baby monkey?

A chimp off the old block.

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Outdoors

How did the farmer fix his torn overalls?

With a cabbage patch.

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Outdoors

What flowers rarely depreciate in value?

Mari-golds.

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Sports

What do sprinters eat before a race?

Nothing, they fast!

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a cat is playing with a roll of toilet paper in the bathroomAnimals

Why did the cat go to the bathroom in the trash can?

Because it's a litter box.

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Holiday

What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?

Bam-BOO!

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Food & Drinks

Why did the tomato go out with the prune?

Because she couldn't find a date.

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Puns

What do you get if you cross a pile of mud with a pig?

A groundhog.

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Puns

Why did the foal cough?

Because he was a little horse.

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Science

What math figure is also in the band?

A symbol.

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Puns

How do you take a pig to the hospital?

By hambulance.

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Puns

What do you call the wife of a hippie?

A Mississippi.

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Puns

Knock knock. Who's there? Nobel. Nobel who?

There's nobel... that's why I knocked.

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