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Which birds steal soap from the bath?

Robber ducks.

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a man holds his hand up to his ear and appears to be shocked while listeningPuns

When you die, what part of the body dies last?

The pupils... they dilate.

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People

Did you hear about the vacuum cleaner that can cut your housework in half?

I bought two.

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Food & Drinks

How does one gelatin greet another?

Jello!

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Animals

What is the biggest ant in the world?

An elephant.

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Animals

What do you call a big fish who makes you an offer you can't refuse?

The Codfather.

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Puns

What did one bunny say about the other bunny's new updo?

I like your hare!

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Puns

What did the rug say to the floor?

I've got you covered.

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Puns

How does a single horse RSVP to a party?

They're going stag.

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Travel

What are rental cars called in Spain?

Barceloaners.

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Animals

How do you stop an angry elephant from charging?

Take away its credit cards.

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The Toothpaste?Music

What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?

A tuba toothpaste.

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Professional

What did the NSA employee say when her friend tried to tell her a new joke?

Heard it.

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a woman in a yellow jacket makes a grimace while she plugs her earsAnimals

What animal always gets on everyone's nerves?

A badger.

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Animals

What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose?

A collie-flower.

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Puns

What did the adding machine say to the cashier?

You can count on me.

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Puns

Who has eight guns and terrorizes the ocean?

Billy the Squid.

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