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Where do you go when you need an excuse to get out of something?

A lie-brary.

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a girl dressed in an 80s-style windbreaker, white sunglasses, and a side ponytail poses for the cameraFood & Drinks

What vegetable still uses slang from the '80s?

A rad-ish.

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Puns

What happened to the dancer at Seafood Disco?

He pulled a mussel.

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Animals

Why did the cat sleep with a fan on?

He wanted to be a cool cat.

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Holiday

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?

Claustrophobic.

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Why quit taxi?Professional

Why did the man give up being a taxi driver?

There was too much talking behind his back.

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Puns

Who do green peas see when they aren't feeling well?

A pod-iatrist.

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Holiday

What's a doctor's favorite Olympic sport?

Skeleton.

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Holiday

What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?

Crisp Cringle.

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Animals

When is a black dog not a black dog?

When it's a greyhound.

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Education

Why was the grandma always getting A's on her papers?

She had a knack for gram-mer.

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People

What do they call pastors in Germany?

German Shepherds.

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finger broke?Puns

I broke my finger!

I broke my finger last week! On the other hand, I'm okay!

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Professional

Why was the plumber predicted to win American Idol?

He had an amazing set of pipes.

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Family

How did the lambs know they were going to have a daughter?

They're she-ep.

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Education

Knock knock. Who's there? Spell. Spell who?

W-H-O.

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Outdoors

Why did everyone want to be near the volcano?

Because it's just so lava-ble.

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