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Where do you go when you need an excuse to get out of something?

A lie-brary.

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a girl dressed in an 80s-style windbreaker, white sunglasses, and a side ponytail poses for the cameraFood & Drinks

What vegetable still uses slang from the '80s?

A rad-ish.

Puns

What happened to the dancer at Seafood Disco?

He pulled a mussel.

Animals

Why did the cat sleep with a fan on?

He wanted to be a cool cat.

Holiday

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?

Claustrophobic.

Why quit taxi?Professional

Why did the man give up being a taxi driver?

There was too much talking behind his back.

Puns

Who do green peas see when they aren't feeling well?

A pod-iatrist.

Holiday

What's a doctor's favorite Olympic sport?

Skeleton.

Holiday

What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?

Crisp Cringle.

Animals

When is a black dog not a black dog?

When it's a greyhound.

Education

Why was the grandma always getting A's on her papers?

She had a knack for gram-mer.

People

What do they call pastors in Germany?

German Shepherds.

finger broke?Puns

I broke my finger!

I broke my finger last week! On the other hand, I'm okay!

Professional

Why was the plumber predicted to win American Idol?

He had an amazing set of pipes.

Family

How did the lambs know they were going to have a daughter?

They're she-ep.

Education

Knock knock. Who's there? Spell. Spell who?

W-H-O.

Outdoors

Why did everyone want to be near the volcano?

Because it's just so lava-ble.