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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa baas.

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The Oysters?Animals

Why don't oysters share their pearls?

Because they're shellfish.

Animals

What did one firefly say to the other?

Got to glow now!

Animals

What animal should you never play hide and seek with?

A chameleon.

a woman wearing an orange sweater is yelling into a megaphonePeople

Which celebrity has the loudest scream?

Pierce Brosnan.

a child dressed up in a cardboard rocket ship costume stands next to a cardboard robotScience

Why do rocket scientists take everything so seriously?

Because they understand the gravity of the situation.

Entertainment

What do you call fowl that fly into windows?

Angry birds.

Holiday

What is the best Christmas present ever?

A broken drum-you can't beat it.

Professional

What goes by slower than a plot-less movie?

Friday afternoon.

Education

Why was the grandma always getting A's on her papers?

She had a knack for gram-mer.

Food & Drinks

How does a cucumber turn into a pickle?

It goes through a jarring experience.

Puns

How do locomotives know where to go?

They have a lot of training.

the sun is setting behind a body of water providing an orange glimmering sunsetCurrent Events

What did the sun use for its sewing class?

A weather pattern.

Animals

What is the most faithful insect?

A flea, once they find someone they like they stick to them.

Holiday

Why do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day?

They are very scent-imental.

Sports

Why do managers bring suitcases along to away games?

So that they can pack the defense.

Animals

Why was the glow worm unhappy?

Because her children weren't that bright.