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Where do horses reside?

In neigh-borhoods.

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Retired veggies?Food & Drinks

What do you call a retired vegetable?

A has-bean.

Family

What did the stair machines call each other?

Stepsisters.

two Mallard ducks are flying side-by-sidePuns

What birds always travel in twos?

Pair-rots.

Animals

What do you call a sheepdog's tail that can tell tall stories?

A shaggy dog's tale.

Vehicles

What do you get when you put a car and a dog together?

A carpet.

Animals

What do you call the donkey with 3 legs?

Wonky.

Puns

Why don't eggs tell each other jokes?

Because they'd crack each other up.

Puns

Why were the flies playing football in a saucer?

They were playing for the cup.

People

Which celebrity has the best handwriting?

Sean Pen.

a large white and blue iceberg floating in waterAnimals

What outfit is appropriate for a dinner in the Arctic?

A penguin tuxedo.

Food & Drinks

Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool?

He just wanted to be a watermelon.

Sports

What is the difference between baseball and law?

In baseball, if you're caught stealing, you're out.

Entertainment

Why does Snoop Dogg always have an umbrella with him?

Fo' drizzle.

Why quit taxi?Professional

Why did the man give up being a taxi driver?

There was too much talking behind his back.

Puns

What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.

Political

Which former US President gets most confused for money?

Bill Clinton.