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Where did Captain Hook purchase his hook?

At the local second-hand store.

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Animals

Why should you not pamper a cow?

You'll get spoiled milk.

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Puns

What's the saddest part of the week?

Monday mourning.

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a soccer ball goes into the goal netSports

Why was the soccer player so good at keeping her house clean?

She was a sweeper.

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Puns

Did you hear about the power outlet who got into a fight with a power cord?

He really thought he could socket to him.

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a picnic table has two plates set with hamburgers, toppings, french fries, and condimentsAnimals

What side dish did the deer bring to the BBQ?

C-antelope.

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Outdoors

Why do crabs never give to charity?

Because they are shellfish.

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a Corgi dog is wrapped up in a blanketFamily

What did the puppy call his dad's best friend?

His godpawther.

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four pigs are grazing in a grassy fieldPuns

What do you call a pig with no clothes on?

Streaky bacon.

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People

If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get?

Missiletoe.

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a rhinoceros is running through a dusty savannah Animals

Why do rhinos charge?

Because they never carry cash.

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Family

Which family member is always relieved?

A ne-phew.

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a mountain lion stands perched on the top of a rock in a snowy mountainous forest Animals

How did the mountain lion finally lose weight?

He quit cold turkey.

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Sports

Why do baseball players have such great retirement plans?

They want to make sure their bases are covered.

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hide and seek?Animals

Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?

Because he was always spotted.

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Puns

How do locomotives know where to go?

They have a lot of training.

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Sports

Why did Justin Turner sign up for the marathon near where he grew up?

It was a home run.

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