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Where did Captain Hook purchase his hook?
At the local second-hand store.
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Animals
Why should you not pamper a cow?
You'll get spoiled milk.
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Puns
What's the saddest part of the week?
Monday mourning.
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Sports
Why was the soccer player so good at keeping her house clean?
She was a sweeper.
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Puns
Did you hear about the power outlet who got into a fight with a power cord?
He really thought he could socket to him.
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Animals
What side dish did the deer bring to the BBQ?
C-antelope.
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Outdoors
Why do crabs never give to charity?
Because they are shellfish.
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Family
What did the puppy call his dad's best friend?
His godpawther.
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Puns
What do you call a pig with no clothes on?
Streaky bacon.
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People
If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get?
Missiletoe.
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Animals
Why do rhinos charge?
Because they never carry cash.
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Family
Which family member is always relieved?
A ne-phew.
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Animals
How did the mountain lion finally lose weight?
He quit cold turkey.
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Sports
Why do baseball players have such great retirement plans?
They want to make sure their bases are covered.
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Animals
Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?
Because he was always spotted.
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Puns
How do locomotives know where to go?
They have a lot of training.
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Sports
Why did Justin Turner sign up for the marathon near where he grew up?
It was a home run.
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