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When you die, what part of the body dies last?

The pupils... they dilate.

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Food & Drinks

What do you call stolen cheese?

Nacho cheese.

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Puns

What did the whale say to the dolphin when he pushed him?

I didn't do it on porpoise.

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Animals

Why did the cat sleep with a fan on?

He wanted to be a cool cat.

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Holiday

What do birds serve on Halloween?

Tweets.

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Puns

I used to be addicted to not showering.

Luckily, I've been clean for five years.

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Puns

Why don't eggs tell each other jokes?

Because they'd crack each other up.

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a large white and blue iceberg floating in waterAnimals

What outfit is appropriate for a dinner in the Arctic?

A penguin tuxedo.

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Holiday

How many chimneys does Father Christmas go down?

Stacks.

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Puns

What do you call a belt made of clocks?

A waist of time.

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Puns

Why was the pirate late for work?

His ship had sailed.

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Puns

What did the adding machine say to the cashier?

You can count on me.

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Animals

Why didn't the dog speak to his foot?

Because it's not polite to talk back to your paw.

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Animals

What kind of dog chases anything red?

A bull dog.

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The Seagulls?Animals

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay they'd be bagels.

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Food & Drinks

What is the most attractive fruit?

A fine-apple.

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Vehicles

Where did the boat go when it was sick?

The boat doc.

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