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When you die, what part of the body dies last?

The pupils... they dilate.

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Food & Drinks

What do you call stolen cheese?

Nacho cheese.

Puns

What did the whale say to the dolphin when he pushed him?

I didn't do it on porpoise.

Animals

Why did the cat sleep with a fan on?

He wanted to be a cool cat.

Holiday

What do birds serve on Halloween?

Tweets.

Puns

I used to be addicted to not showering.

Luckily, I've been clean for five years.

Puns

Why don't eggs tell each other jokes?

Because they'd crack each other up.

a large white and blue iceberg floating in waterAnimals

What outfit is appropriate for a dinner in the Arctic?

A penguin tuxedo.

Holiday

How many chimneys does Father Christmas go down?

Stacks.

Puns

What do you call a belt made of clocks?

A waist of time.

Puns

Why was the pirate late for work?

His ship had sailed.

Puns

What did the adding machine say to the cashier?

You can count on me.

Animals

Why didn't the dog speak to his foot?

Because it's not polite to talk back to your paw.

Animals

What kind of dog chases anything red?

A bull dog.

The Seagulls?Animals

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay they'd be bagels.

Food & Drinks

What is the most attractive fruit?

A fine-apple.

Vehicles

Where did the boat go when it was sick?

The boat doc.