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When fish play football, who is the captain?

The team's kipper.

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Puns

What does the milky way call its ex-girlfriend?

Space-ex.

Family

Which family member is always relieved?

A ne-phew.

Holiday

What do you call Santa's Helpers?

Subordinate clauses.

Food & Drinks

What do you call stolen cheese?

Nacho cheese.

Puns

What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis.

People

Why did the runner quit the race against bigfoot?

He couldn't face defeet!

Puns

Why is oxygen so wealthy?

Because it's an air-ess.

a bike sits on a stand in a repair shop with many toolsScience

Did you hear that H2O opened up a bike shop?

It's called the water cycle.

a mother and baby coyote sit together in the grassFamily

Why was the coyote family such good singers?

They were a band.

Puns

How do you find where a flea has bitten you?

Start from scratch.

Puns

What did the adding machine say to the cashier?

You can count on me.

a close-up of four small owls huddled together on a branchAnimals

Why do owls make lousy reporters?

They only ask who.

Sports

Why can't Cinderella play soccer?

Because she's always running away from the ball!

Animals

How do you raise a baby elephant?

With a forklift truck.

Puns

What do you get from an Alaskan cow?

Cold cream.

Music

What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?

You can tune a guitar but you can't tunafish.