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What's a shoemaker's favorite dessert?

Cobbler.

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Professional

What do you get a lawyer for his birthday?

Briefs.

Holiday

Why was Santa's little helper embarrassed?

Because he had low elf esteem.

Outdoors

Why did the body of water think so much?

It liked to pond-er.

Puns

What do you get if you cross a cow with a camel?

Lumpy milkshakes.

Holiday

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?

Claustrophobic.

Vehicles

Why did the train always get heated in an argument?

It was a steam engine.

Animals

What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose?

A collie-flower.

Entertainment

Why did the man buy the discounted TV with a broken volume control?

He couldn't turn it down.

Holiday

Why do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day?

They are very scent-imental.

Billboards?Entertainment

How do billboards talk?

Sign language.

Current Events

When do flowers get their workout in?

Spring Training.

Animals

What do you call a cat with eight legs that likes to swim?

An octopuss.

Animals

How much does it cost to swim with the sharks?

An arm and a leg.

Puns

Do the mascara and lipstick ever argue?

Sure, but then they makeup.

Entertainment

Why does Snoop Dogg always have an umbrella with him?

Fo' drizzle.

Animals

What kind of dog chases anything red?

A bull dog.