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What's a bear's favorite movie?

Pirates of the Care-bear-ean.

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Professional

What did the angry customer say to the mechanic who couldn't figure out what was wrong with his car?

You auto-know better!

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Food & Drinks

What do you call stolen cheese?

Nacho cheese.

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Professional

Why was the plumber predicted to win American Idol?

He had an amazing set of pipes.

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Science

Why do math teachers love March?

Because of pi day!

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Entertainment

Why does Humpty Dumpty enjoy camping in autumn?

Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

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The horse?Animals

Why was the horse so happy?

Because they lived in a stable environment.

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Education

What happened to the Dean who lost his job?

He lost his ideanity.

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Puns

What do you get if you feed gunpowder to a chicken?

An egg-splosion.

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The ducks?Animals

What do ducks get after they eat?

A bill!

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Lying ghosts?Animals

Why are ghosts such bad liars?

You can see right through them.

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Holiday

What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective?

Santa Clues.

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Puns

What's another name for your iPhone charger?

Apple juice.

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Animals

How much money does a skunk have?

One scent.

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Holiday

What nationality is Santa Claus?

North Polish.

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Sports

Where do football directors go when they are fed up?

The bored room.

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Puns

Did you hear about the power outlet who got into a fight with a power cord?

He really thought he could socket to him.

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