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What's a balloon's least favorite type of music?

Pop.

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People

Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?

Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

a man holds his hand up to his ear and appears to be shocked while listeningPuns

When you die, what part of the body dies last?

The pupils... they dilate.

Travel

Who invented the first airplane that couldn't take off?

The Wrong Brothers.

Professional

Why couldn't the couple get married at the library?

It was all booked up.

Puns

What kind of pole is short and floppy?

A tadpole.

Puns

Why didn't the lamp sink in the water?

Because it was too light.

Animals

Why were the elephants thrown out of the swimming pool?

Because they couldn't hold their trunks up.

Holiday

Why do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day?

They are very scent-imental.

Holiday

What did the skeleton order at the bar?

A beer and a mop.

Animals

What do you get if cross two young dogs with a pair of headphones?

Hush puppies.

Family

What branch of the military accepts newborns?

The infantry.

Sports

What do a striker and a magician have in common?

Both do hat tricks.

Astronaut's baby?Science

How do you stop an astronaut's baby from crying?

You rocket.

a man is scratching his head with a puzzled look on his faceEntertainment

What's both a number one hit and a total failure?

A Blockbuster.

Puns

What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

Use a cowculator.

Puns

What did one dandelion say to the other dandelion?

Take me to your weeder.