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What sound does a grape make when an elephant steps on it?

None. It just lets out a little wine.

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Professional

Did you take the patient's temperature?

No. Is it missing?

Puns

What are the strongest days of the week?

Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weak-days.

a soccer ball goes into the goal netSports

Why was the soccer player so good at keeping her house clean?

She was a sweeper.

Food & Drinks

What do you call a noodle in disguise?

Impasta.

Food & Drinks

Why are pigs so good at building houses?

They bring plenty of ham-mers.

Food & Drinks

Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?

Because they put on the salsa.

a white and tan spotted pony appears to smile at the cameraAnimals

Why couldn't the pony speak at the convention?

It was too hoarse.

Animals

What do you call a litter of young dogs who have come in from the snow?

Slush puppies.

Animals

What kind of dog loves to eat?

A Chow.

Holiday

What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?

Crisp Cringle.

Professional

What happens when a realtor commits a crime?

They're put on house arrest.

Animals

How much money does a skunk have?

One scent.

priest lawyer?Family

What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer?

A Father-In-Law!

Holiday

What does winter fat turn into?

Spring rolls.

Animals

Why do cats love to work?

They're purr-fect at everything they do.

Animals

How to you navigate a canoe filled with puppies?

You whip out the doggy paddle.