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What reads and lives in an apple?

A bookworm.

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Outdoors

Why was the bud so shy?

It just hadn't blossomed yet.

Current Events

When do flowers get their workout in?

Spring Training.

People

How did the coach get his quarterback?

He went to the bank.

Animals

Why don't koalas categorize as bears?

They don't have the right koalafications.

Puns

Why did the map not want to be weighed?

It wasn't to scale.

Puns

Which dance will a chicken not do?

The foxtrot.

astronaut spaced?Travel

Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?

Turns out he just needs some space!

Animals

Why is the snail the strongest animal?

Because he carries a house on his back.

Puns

Why should you be worried about the calendar?

Its days are numbered.

Animals

Where do rabbits go out to dance?

A hip-hop club.

Sports

Which goalkeeper can jump higher than a crossbar?

All of them, a crossbar can't jump.

Animals

What did one firefly say to the other?

Got to glow now!

Science

Why was the math book sad?

It had a lot of problems.

Professional

What did the lawyer name his daughter?

Sue.

no body?Puns

What do you call someone with no body and no nose?

Nobody knows!

Puns

Why was the picture sent to jail?

It was framed.