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What position does lemonade play in baseball?

Pitcher.

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Professional

Why do rabbits make good jewelers?

They can tell the best carrot.

Animals

What do you call a rooster who wakes you up at the same time every morning?

An alarm cluck.

Sports

Did you hear the joke about the football game with the 0-0 score?

Never mind, it's pointless.

Animals

What do you call a sheepdog's tail that can tell tall stories?

A shaggy dog's tale.

Puns

What's the saddest part of the week?

Monday mourning.

Puns

What kind of shoes do you make with banana skins?

Slippers.

Animals

What kind of ant is good at math?

An accountant.

Animals

Why did the tadpole feel lonely?

Because he was newt to the area.

Animals

What sort of clothes does a pet dog wear?

A petticoat.

Puns

What's made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?

A shoe.

Animals

Why is it called a litter of puppies?

Because they mess up the whole house.

Animals

What type of dog loves to take showers?

Shampoodles.

Puns

Wanna hear my favorite potassium joke?

K.

Holiday

Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E?

Because the angel said, "No L!"

Political

Where does Taco Bell serve in the US government?

The Burrito Supreme Court.

Entertainment

What's the name of the winner of the chicken-eating contest?

The Lord of the Wings.