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What occurs twice in a lifetime, but only once in a year, twice in a week, but never in a day?

The letter "E".

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Professional

Why was the air compressor dripping with sweat?

It had been running all day and night.

Entertainment

What do you call fowl that fly into windows?

Angry birds.

Animals

What is the only kind of dog you can eat?

A hot dog.

The Penguins?Animals

What's black and white and goes around and around?

A penguin in a revolving door.

Current Events

You have to be very careful in an ice storm.

It's sNOw joke.

Puns

Why should you stand in a corner if you're cold?

They're usually 90 degrees.

Puns

Where do snowmen go to dance?

Snowballs.

Animals

What do you call a pig's sore eye?

A pig-stye.

Animals

What did the hungry Dalmatian say when he had a meal?

That hit the spots.

Education

Why shouldn't you trust atoms?

They make up everything!

Professional

How do lawyers say goodbye?

We'll be suing ya!

Education

Where do you go when you need an excuse to get out of something?

A lie-brary.

Animals

Where do frogs keep their money?

In a river bank.

Puns

What do you call the wife of a hippie?

A Mississippi.

Puns

Why are boats so bad at asking for forgiveness?

They harbor resentment.

Animals

Why are frogs always happy?

They eat what bugs them.