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Did you hear the rumor about butter?

Well, I'm not going to spread it.

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Education

Where do you go when you need an excuse to get out of something?

A lie-brary.

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Animals

What do you call a bunch of animals that can't stop cracking jokes?

A funny farm.

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Puns

What is the opposite of cock-a-doodle-doo?

Cock-a-doodle-don't.

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Animals

What did the beaver say to the tree?

Been nice gnawing you.

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Family

Who are crows' favorite family members?

Caw-sins.

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a police officer in full uniform kneels on the pavement next to his german shepherd against a foggy backgroundAnimals

What animal is always ready to protect people?

An arm-adillo.

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Animals

Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?

Of course, houses can't jump.

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Puns

Which birds steal soap from the bath?

Robber ducks.

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Puns

Imagine you're in a room with no windows and no doors, how do you get out?

Stop imagining.

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Animals

Why did the chick disappoint his mother?

He wasn't what he was cracked up to be.

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Puns

What shape has a knighthood?

Cir-cle.

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Puns

What did the obituary say for the pot of boiling water?

You will be mist.

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Animals

What kind of bird can write?

A PENguin.

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Holiday

What nationality is Santa Claus?

North Polish.

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Animals

What do you call a sheep with no legs or head?

A cloud.

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People

Which Star Wars character works at Applebee's?

Darth Waiter.

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