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Did you hear the rumor about butter?

Well, I'm not going to spread it.

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Education

Where do you go when you need an excuse to get out of something?

A lie-brary.

Animals

What do you call a bunch of animals that can't stop cracking jokes?

A funny farm.

Puns

What is the opposite of cock-a-doodle-doo?

Cock-a-doodle-don't.

Animals

What did the beaver say to the tree?

Been nice gnawing you.

Family

Who are crows' favorite family members?

Caw-sins.

a police officer in full uniform kneels on the pavement next to his german shepherd against a foggy backgroundAnimals

What animal is always ready to protect people?

An arm-adillo.

Animals

Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?

Of course, houses can't jump.

Puns

Which birds steal soap from the bath?

Robber ducks.

Puns

Imagine you're in a room with no windows and no doors, how do you get out?

Stop imagining.

Animals

Why did the chick disappoint his mother?

He wasn't what he was cracked up to be.

Puns

What shape has a knighthood?

Cir-cle.

Puns

What did the obituary say for the pot of boiling water?

You will be mist.

Animals

What kind of bird can write?

A PENguin.

Holiday

What nationality is Santa Claus?

North Polish.

Animals

What do you call a sheep with no legs or head?

A cloud.

People

Which Star Wars character works at Applebee's?

Darth Waiter.