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What is the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
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Political
Why did the senator bring cookies to the congress session?
He heard they were working on treat-ies.
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People
Who is a cow's favorite celebrity?
Sandra Bull-ock.
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Puns
What kind of clothes does a house wear?
An address.
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Animals
Why didn't the dog want to play football?
It was a boxer.
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Sports
Did you hear the joke about the football game with the 0-0 score?
Never mind, it's pointless.
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Food & Drinks
What loaf of bread has a bad attitude?
Sourdough.
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Sports
What do an English major and a football player have in common?
They get anxious over rough drafts.
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Puns
How do you make a Kleenex dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
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Animals
What do you call bears with no ears?
B—.
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Puns
What animal always goes to bed with its shoes on?
A horse.
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Music
Why are stones so good at music?
They're obsessed with rock n' roll!
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Vehicles
What's a horse's favorite car?
A Mustang.
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Food & Drinks
What do you call stolen cheese?
Nacho cheese.
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Professional
How do artists finish a project when they are stressed?
They just take things one stroke at a time.
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Puns
What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line.
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Puns
What did the obituary say for the pot of boiling water?
You will be mist.
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