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What is the opposite of coffee?

Sneezy.

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Political

Why did the senator bring cookies to the congress session?

He heard they were working on treat-ies.

a yak is photoshopped with sunglasses on a white backgroundPeople

Who is a cow's favorite celebrity?

Sandra Bull-ock.

Puns

What kind of clothes does a house wear?

An address.

Animals

Why didn't the dog want to play football?

It was a boxer.

Sports

Did you hear the joke about the football game with the 0-0 score?

Never mind, it's pointless.

Food & Drinks

What loaf of bread has a bad attitude?

Sourdough.

Sports

What do an English major and a football player have in common?

They get anxious over rough drafts.

Puns

How do you make a Kleenex dance?

You put a little boogie in it.

Animals

What do you call bears with no ears?

B—.

Puns

What animal always goes to bed with its shoes on?

A horse.

Music

Why are stones so good at music?

They're obsessed with rock n' roll!

Vehicles

What's a horse's favorite car?

A Mustang.

Food & Drinks

What do you call stolen cheese?

Nacho cheese.

Professional

How do artists finish a project when they are stressed?

They just take things one stroke at a time.

Puns

What is the best way to communicate with a fish?

Drop it a line.

Puns

What did the obituary say for the pot of boiling water?

You will be mist.