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What is the most attractive fruit?

A fine-apple.

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Puns

What did the whale say to the dolphin when he pushed him?

I didn't do it on porpoise.

Music

What's a chiropractor's favorite genre of music?

Hip pop.

Animals

Where do baby apes sleep?

In apricots.

Puns

What did the adding machine say to the cashier?

You can count on me.

Animals

What did the duck say as he was buying chapstick?

Just put it on my bill.

Entertainment

What part did the grizzly have in the choir?

He was the lead bear-itone.

Animals

Where do you take sick ponies?

To the horsepital.

Puns

How do you make a Kleenex dance?

You put a little boogie in it.

Animals

What do you call the pig that does karate?

A pork chop.

Professional

Why couldn't the firefighter save the burning funhouse?

It was all smoke and mirrors.

Puns

Why should you be worried about the calendar?

Its days are numbered.

Puns

What do you get if you cross a cow with a camel?

Lumpy milkshakes.

Puns

Why did the lizard go on a diet?

It weighed too much for its scales.

Scrambled eggs?Food & Drinks

Why don't eggs tell jokes?

They'd crack each other up!

Puns

What is the opposite of cock-a-doodle-doo?

Cock-a-doodle-don't.

Puns

Did you hear about the power outlet who got into a fight with a power cord?

He really thought he could socket to him.