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What happened when the owl lost his voice?

He didn't give a hoot.

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Food & Drinks

What did the bread say when he proposed to his girlfriend?

I loaf you!

Animals

What did the slug say as he slipped down the wall?

How slime flies.

Political

How did Barack ask Michelle to be his wife?

He bought a ring, got on one knee, and said "Will you marry me? I don't wanna be Obamaself."

The Baseball game?Sports

Why are baseball games at night?

The bats sleep during the day.

Outdoors

What kind of bow can't be tied?

A rainbow!

Animals

How do you raise a baby elephant?

With a forklift truck.

Animals

What sound does a grape make when an elephant steps on it?

None. It just lets out a little wine.

Outdoors

What sits at the bottom of the ocean and shakes?

A nervous wreck.

Professional

What day of the week takes nothing seriously?

Casual Friday.

Animals

Why do rodents make the best runners?

Because life's a rat race.

Animals

What do you call a 100-year-old ant?

An antique.

Music

What do you call berries playing the guitar?

A jam session.

Drummer's daughters?Music

What did the drummer name his twin daughters?

Anna 1, Anna 2.

Puns

What's the saddest part of the week?

Monday mourning.

Animals

What happens when a frog's car dies?

He has it toad.

Professional

My boss instructed me to set up the company's 401k.

I told her I don't think anyone on the team can run that far.