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What happened when the owl lost his voice?
He didn't give a hoot.
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Food & Drinks
What did the bread say when he proposed to his girlfriend?
I loaf you!
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Animals
What did the slug say as he slipped down the wall?
How slime flies.
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Political
How did Barack ask Michelle to be his wife?
He bought a ring, got on one knee, and said "Will you marry me? I don't wanna be Obamaself."
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Sports
Why are baseball games at night?
The bats sleep during the day.
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Outdoors
What kind of bow can't be tied?
A rainbow!
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Animals
How do you raise a baby elephant?
With a forklift truck.
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Animals
What sound does a grape make when an elephant steps on it?
None. It just lets out a little wine.
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Outdoors
What sits at the bottom of the ocean and shakes?
A nervous wreck.
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Professional
What day of the week takes nothing seriously?
Casual Friday.
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Animals
Why do rodents make the best runners?
Because life's a rat race.
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Animals
What do you call a 100-year-old ant?
An antique.
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Music
What do you call berries playing the guitar?
A jam session.
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Music
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna 1, Anna 2.
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Puns
What's the saddest part of the week?
Monday mourning.
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Animals
What happens when a frog's car dies?
He has it toad.
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Professional
My boss instructed me to set up the company's 401k.
I told her I don't think anyone on the team can run that far.
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