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What does Santa call his wife at tax time?

A dependent Claus.

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Travel

Where do optometrists go on vacation?

Eye-celand!

Professional

The museum curator needed a break.

So she took her van to gogh out of here!

Puns

Why should you wear leather when trying to stay unnoticed?

Because it's made of hide.

Animals

How does a polar bear build a house?

Igloos it together.

People

How do you talk to a giant?

Use big words.

Food & Drinks

What did the bread say when he proposed to his girlfriend?

I loaf you!

Puns

What does a cloud wear under his pants?

Thunderwear.

Travel

Why are the mountains so tired?

Because they don't Everest.

Puns

What do you get if you cross a steer with a tadpole?

A bullfrog.

Animals

What did the duck say as he was buying chapstick?

Just put it on my bill.

Entertainment

Why did I name my printer Bob Marley?

Because it's always jammin'.

Animals

What do you call a dog that meditates?

Aware wolf.

Animals

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.

Sports

What did the basketball player say when he lost his job?

Well, I guess I'll just power forward.

Puns

What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.

Education

Why shouldn't you trust atoms?

They make up everything!