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What does Santa call his wife at tax time?

A dependent Claus.

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Travel

Where do optometrists go on vacation?

Eye-celand!

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Professional

The museum curator needed a break.

So she took her van to gogh out of here!

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Puns

Why should you wear leather when trying to stay unnoticed?

Because it's made of hide.

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Animals

How does a polar bear build a house?

Igloos it together.

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People

How do you talk to a giant?

Use big words.

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Food & Drinks

What did the bread say when he proposed to his girlfriend?

I loaf you!

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Puns

What does a cloud wear under his pants?

Thunderwear.

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Travel

Why are the mountains so tired?

Because they don't Everest.

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Puns

What do you get if you cross a steer with a tadpole?

A bullfrog.

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Animals

What did the duck say as he was buying chapstick?

Just put it on my bill.

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Entertainment

Why did I name my printer Bob Marley?

Because it's always jammin'.

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Animals

What do you call a dog that meditates?

Aware wolf.

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Animals

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.

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Sports

What did the basketball player say when he lost his job?

Well, I guess I'll just power forward.

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Puns

What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.

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Education

Why shouldn't you trust atoms?

They make up everything!

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