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What does a caterpillar do on New Years Day?

Turns over a new leaf.

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Vehicles

Where do oceans always buy their cars?

Shell-vrolet.

Animals

When should a mouse carry an umbrella?

When it's raining cats and dogs.

People

Which celebrity has the best handwriting?

Sean Pen.

Puns

What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills?

Bernadette.

Sports

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

In case he got a hole in one.

Sports

Why was the stadium steaming hot after the game?

All of the fans left.

Education

How many letters are there in the alphabet?

Twenty-four, because E.T. went home.

Travel

Which celebrity loves to go on vacation?

Tom Cruise.

Animals

What kind of bees hum and drop things?

A fumble bee.

Outdoors

I was just reminiscing about the beautiful herb garden I had when I was growing up.

Good, good thymes.

Animals

Why do cats love to work?

They're purr-fect at everything they do.

Sports

When fish play football, who is the captain?

The team's kipper.

Animals

Why did the cat frown when she passed the hen house?

Because she heard fowl language.

Food & Drinks

Did you hear about the famous pickle?

He was a big dill.

People

What did Sherlock Holmes deduce when he woke up during his camping trip and saw the stars?

That someone had stolen his tent.

Animals

Why don't elephants like playing cards in the jungle?

Because of all the cheetahs.