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What does a caterpillar do on New Years Day?

Turns over a new leaf.

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Vehicles

Where do oceans always buy their cars?

Shell-vrolet.

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Animals

When should a mouse carry an umbrella?

When it's raining cats and dogs.

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People

Which celebrity has the best handwriting?

Sean Pen.

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Puns

What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills?

Bernadette.

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Sports

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

In case he got a hole in one.

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Sports

Why was the stadium steaming hot after the game?

All of the fans left.

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Education

How many letters are there in the alphabet?

Twenty-four, because E.T. went home.

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Travel

Which celebrity loves to go on vacation?

Tom Cruise.

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Animals

What kind of bees hum and drop things?

A fumble bee.

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Outdoors

I was just reminiscing about the beautiful herb garden I had when I was growing up.

Good, good thymes.

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Animals

Why do cats love to work?

They're purr-fect at everything they do.

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Sports

When fish play football, who is the captain?

The team's kipper.

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Animals

Why did the cat frown when she passed the hen house?

Because she heard fowl language.

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Food & Drinks

Did you hear about the famous pickle?

He was a big dill.

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People

What did Sherlock Holmes deduce when he woke up during his camping trip and saw the stars?

That someone had stolen his tent.

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Animals

Why don't elephants like playing cards in the jungle?

Because of all the cheetahs.

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