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What do you do when two snails fight?

Let them slug it out.

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Balanced Checked?Puns

She Needed Her Balance Checked!

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to check her balance. So I pushed her over!

Puns

Why is a fish easy to weigh?

Because it has its own scales.

Sheep Covered Chocolate?Animals

What Do You Call a Sheep Covered in Chocolate?

A candy BAAAAAAAAAA!

Puns

What is a sea monster's favorite meal?

Fish and ships.

Holiday

What does a caterpillar do on New Years Day?

Turns over a new leaf.

Puns

What did the portable fan say to the ceiling fan?

Sorry, I'm just not a big fan.

Billboards?Entertainment

How do billboards talk?

Sign language.

Animals

Why did the elephant eat the candle?

For light refreshment.

Food & Drinks

What do you call a sad latte?

Depresso.

Food & Drinks

What do you give a sick lemon?

Lemon-aid!

a close-up of a wizard holding their hand over a magic crystal ballAnimals

Which wizard is often mistaken for an animal?

Hairy Potter.

Billboards?Entertainment

How do billboards talk?

Sign language.

Why quit taxi?Professional

Why did the man give up being a taxi driver?

There was too much talking behind his back.

Food & Drinks

Why does the orange always lose in races?

It runs out of juice.

a soccer ball goes into the goal netSports

Why was the soccer player so good at keeping her house clean?

She was a sweeper.

Animals

What do my dog and my cellphone have in common?

They both have collar I.D.